Sunday, September 17, 2006
ok,so i am back to update my blog.not going to update that frequently because i am studying for my EOY[end-of-year exams].sighs.it's just around the corner.my life depends on it now.PRAY FOR ME!haha.somehow or another,i don't believe in luck anymore,but i believe in miracles.so if i work real hard this time,a miracle might happen to me.people can still wish me luck!
ever wondered what lies ahead of you?what life would bring you?what you would be when you grow up?when you finally leave school and no longer have pure innocent friends(i beg to differ)?when you finally step into a competitve and cut-throat society(it's already happening in schools)?i have been thinking about it.remembered i said that i want to become a fashion designer?that one day i would be a part of NEW YORK FASHION WEEK.that one day i would create my own label.i did loads of research on it already.found places where i could stay.found universities that are top in the country or maybe even top in the world.found places where i could work to earn extra expenses.set my goals on which fashion label i hope to work with before setting up my own label.i already started my portfolio.i was ready for what my life would offer me,only to realise that we are currently tight on cash and my mother isn't that happy with my choice.it's not that my parents aren't earning enough.we have no problem paying for luxuries.but my brother is still studying university.so it would stress my parents out if both my brother and i go to university.money isn't the biggest problem.i can work harder to earn for my chance,but i just realise how much my mother hates this choice.she doesn't say it,but every word that comes out from her mouth about fashion designing carries daggers.she tells me how her friends doing arts either didn't make it big or just married off to some man so that they didn't have to continue working.she told me how difficult it would be to study alone abroad.she told me how much money would be needed to spend on this sort of courses.she told me that i need to have a very rich base so that i can support myself,advertise myself and sell my productions.she told me that this family would not be able to do that.she told me to study harder and stop thinking so much.i am not afraid if i can't make it.i am not afraid of not earning money.i am not afraid of anything..ok,maybe a little scared about living abroad alone.BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!i want to do something that i am very interested in.i don't want to wake up early, sit in an aircon room 8 hours everyday,leave work and go home to sleep.life like that is seriously MONOTONOUS.i wish mum would know that.but i realise how selfish i would be if i do that.i know that people would ask me to go for it,to go after my dreams.but you all have to think,my parents provided me since young and if they still have to do that till they die,i think i would rather drown myself or get eaten by sharks in the pacific ocean.i am grateful for all that they did for me,i seriously am.however,i want to be the one to provide them when they grow old.i want to give them the life they gave me when i was young.i want them to live the next few decades of their lives not worrying about money.so fashion designing can wait,either that or it just have to disappear from my memory.it is hard to drop that matter because it's the one and the only thing that made me do so much research on.let it be a beautiful memory then.
i will bite back my tongue even though i really like fashion designing.i will swallow back my tears even though it was more or less my passion.i will continue on with junoir colleges now that i have given up fashion designing even though I DON'T WANT TO.o well,i have no other choice.i am back to square one and have to think of a new proffesion then.hmm.got to think real hard now.ok,that's all.
FASHION DECLERATION ;
6:19 PM
