Sunday, August 06, 2006
ok,long time since i post.so i am back to write about what happened that had a really big impact on me i guess.went to school yesterday for bio spa and went to lunch with xinyi.
guess we really did talk a lot.about her and about me.about me attitude,is it really bad?anyway,people got the wrong idea and so ya.then i called milky,claire and sky for conference.talked about them and myself and i asked them if i did have a big attitude prob.they said no.it's kinda wierd cause i don't have that much prob with dance and church people.why school?seriously,i should have chosen an english school,i really have no clue as to which screw in my head was lose till i chose zhonghua.makes no sense.then milky called me to kinda ask if i was ok and everything.seems to me that since i entered this new class,i had loads of prob with the people.maybe cause i dislike some people in this class?maybe cause i am english educated and with all the international school friends,i am a biatch.that's why i bitch people in school and not like chinese humility,be nice,i spare no thought for people.
i asked milky should i apologise to them,he said no.no chinese humility again.he said why should i ask for forgiveness from them to forgive me for who i am.long but to simplify it,why must i ask for forgiveness for who i am as a person.ok,still equally long.but the point revolves around those sentences.but cause i was really like sorry that i make them feel that way,so i argued with milky that i should apologise and of course he didn't want me to do that.then i said something that i think really made him very upset.i said,"why are you always like that?why can't you spare a thought for others?you think it's very easy to live in my class?you think you are always right all the time.why can't you think about me?i am not in an international school like you that people there don't apologise at all.why are you so void of emotions?maybe i am not apologetic at all,but i am given no choice because they are the only friends i have in that class.if they feel this way and i am don't apologise for it,who else can i turn to?this is not an easy class.why can't you just understand."of course we had like a minute of silence then i finally heard him say,it's late go to bed.then he hanged up.guess he is really upset cause i tried to call him and sms him.he didn't pick up any call and didn't reply my sms.i have no idea where he is now.i just want to say,i am really sorry milky.i really didn't mean it.i take back everything i said.i am very sorry.i told you it's my attitude.i got to change it.
just called layla,my dance teacher.i asked her whether i had attitude prob.she said no.so i ask her why are people so offended by what i do.as by layla,she said that it is called the dancer's syndrome,which obviously only dancers have it.i have no idea why.but she said that go observes dancers and you will realise that most of them are like that,but we never mean any harm and everyone doesn't take it seriously.i guess it's true cause i tried thinking about all my dancer teachers and dancers.layla for example.she has a very violent attitude,she can be happy one moment and the next she is super firery.the school's modern dance teacher,people said she is so fierce that she doesn't allow any talking during class.shane sparks,he has everything.fame,money and attitude.he is super impatient and speaks like he is shooting darts at you.but no one takes him to heart and still so many artists look for him.so i guess milky you are right.none of these people ask for forgiveness for who they are and still people like them.i shan't ask for any forgiveness for who i am.
i know that i sometimes am happy one moment and angry or upset the next.i guess i just don't tell you people my problems and i see no reason why.because none of you people are interested anyway.i feel very sad that my friends actually think of me this way.well,you can't expect people to like everything about you cause you are not perfect.don't tell me that when you guys are quiet and alone,you don't start thinking about all the problems you are facing now.i do if you people don't and that's why i feel sad maybe all the time,cause i don't tell anyone.anyway.i guess saying everything on blog makes me feel so much better but i am still worried about milky.
if you see this,know that i am worried.call me.
I AM VERY SORRY MILKY.I REALLY AM.
FASHION DECLERATION ;
12:00 AM
